Spending time here with my extended family, I am convinced that between my aunt Amy and I, I've got it worse, for she seems to be punishing me from beyond the grave for ignoring her all these years.

First, her sister Virginia is a devout member of the Church of Christ, and has spent all day blaring a bland mix of Gospel and pop music that I call... GOS-POP.
She is, apparently, trying to convert me and my father, but is only suceeding in annoying us both. My dad is upstairs trying to witness to her, saying the earth will not be destroyed, but she is quite the stubborn one. Oh, and she keeps rubbing the back of my neck.

Second, for some reason I agreed to type up the program for the funeral services on this crappy computer. It has NO fonts, a sucky printer with no ink, and NO ONE can agree what to put on the program.

The only remotely interesting person in this family is one of the grandsons of my great-aunt Virginia, an autistic boy of 12. He is quite facinating. He is completely unable to form personal connections with people or objects, and is the only person not getting on my nerves.

I think I'm going to borrow one of my uncle's (once removed) shorts and go jogging.

Ok, now. I have had more free time here than I have had EVER, and to fill the void I've been sending out hand-written letters. Problem is, I never thought I'd have to FEW people to write to!

So, if you would like to recieve a letter from me (and if I know and like you) please add your address to a response to this entry.

I mean, I could just send out emails, but we all know that emails are on their way out anyway, and no one checks their email anymore! Besides, staring at a screen reading a long email is boring, but who doesn't like reading a hand-written letter from a friend?

I've been compensating for not having enough people to write to by making my letters to my existing correspondents longer and longer, tacking on extra letters before I send previous ones, including elaborate hand drawn patterns and designs into the margins, and making my script more and more careful and intricate. This can not continue forever.

My obsession with handwritten letters is extending to include a preference for all things antique:

I only use the old rotary phone in the house.
I do not own a wristwatch, shunning such things for a winding pocket watch.
I watch very little television (but we can all agree tv is beginning to suck)
I have begun to use archaic language to confuse the dundering knaves that call when I'm home.
Soon I just might start using an old-fashioned fountain pen, but seeing as the only places to buy them are at LOWER altitude, and to go home I travel to a HIGHER altitude, this may turn out to be an impractical idea.
And anyone who knows me well knows it wouldn't take much for me to start carrying a bumbershoot and begin speaking in some sort of Gaelic form.

I think all this is an indication that I have WAY too much time on my hands. SO please please PLEASE, give me your address, oh dear friends, so that I may write thee.

P:Let's see...What to eat...

T:You really shouldn't eat anything now (11:20p)

P:Yeah, but a lot of things shouldn't happen. I shouldn't eat cookies now, the Holocaust shouldn't have happened...

T: Worst analogy ever!

P: Not really, life sucks, it's a post holocaust world, and I'm eating cookies.

(Drier than Oscar Wilde, but it was really funny if you were there)

Tymais: So, dude what you watching now?

Parris: Oh, just some CBBB.

T: What?!

P: C-B-B-B!

T: WHAT??

P: COWBOY BE-BOP!

T: Don't do that!

P: I think we've already established that each rent payer can say what he wants, so I can make acronyms if I want.

T: But dude, it's so lame. It's just like when people say, "Hey, I'm gonna go play some T.H.U.G.!"

P: That's what it IS... Tony Hawks Under Ground!

T: But what's the point, to try to be cool? Cause it's cool to say "THUG"? Oh! look at me! I can make acronyms.

P: Hey, I can say what I want, it all means the same stuff...

T: But C-B-B-B? Do you say, "Hey, I'm going to watch LOTHER!" for Lord of the Rings? Or, "I'm going to play KOTOR for 'Knights of the Old Republic."

P: No that would be some pathetic attempt to shorten...what...I...say... Oh darn. I walked into that one. (both start laughing)

T: I have nothing to say, you said it for me.

Parris: You like this apartment?

Tymais: Oh yeah, man, Cubic footage-wise, it's great.

(You'll have to determine for yourself who says what from here on...)

*: We'll have to witness to the neighbors though so they don't think...

*: Oh, and have lot's of girls over, so they know that we're not... well...

*; Oh, of course.

(Slight pause)
*: I'm totally introducing you as my "life partner"

*: You do that and I'll kill you.

Is it just genetic, or plain lack of experience that girls think guys want to hear every detail about their exes all at once?

Overheard in the Ashley home:
"First it's 'live, live, live', now it's 'die, die, die'. Make up your mind, Mom!!"


Also:
"Hey, could I borrow a CD?"
"I dunno. Could you put on some pants?"
"No."